Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize