you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
