Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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