I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
