Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
