I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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