I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
