we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
