i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
