the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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