You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
