I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
