My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
