i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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