I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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