My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
