I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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