Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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