he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
