I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
