Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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