Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
