there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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