Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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