i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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