Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
