Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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