Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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