I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
