Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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