He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
