tell your sister to shave her snatch
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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