Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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