i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
