Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
