Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize