Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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