I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
