Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
