found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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