Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
