you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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