Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
