eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
