I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
