i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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