It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
