I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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