And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
