it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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