There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
