Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
