We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize