Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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