My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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