They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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