Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
