I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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