So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
