The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
