piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
should my penis look like a turkey
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize