You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
