now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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