I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize