Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
