i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
