She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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