I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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