Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
