you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
