I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
