My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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