I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
