If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
