Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
