I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
