WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
