Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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