There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
