What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
