so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
