Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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