I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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