I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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