Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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