clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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