We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
