I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
