please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
