Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
