Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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