He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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