My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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