Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
