so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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