3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Michael Bay diarrhea
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
