were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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