she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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