I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
