loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
3 2 1 whiskey
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize