Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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