i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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