so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
