Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
