I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
