Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
