Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
