just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
