I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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