Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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