I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
