Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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